You can love some one and not have them love you back

"You can love some one and not have them love you back"
12 words that some up whats wrong with the world. I was browsing the web when I saw this statement in response to someone's yahoo answers question, and I just about stopped breathing. How sadly, sadly true it is. It makes you want to scream in that there is no changing this. You can love someone so much, more then the world itself. You can tear yourself apart, every day thinking about them. you can loose sleep wishing, desperately wishing they knew. You can cry yourself dry. But It wont change a damn thing. Because, you can love some one and not have them love you back. Or, you can both love each other, and no one ever says anything. You can both feel it, beautiful and pure. Love. But be so silent about it, the other mistakes it for hate. When you love someone you need to be assured, every moment that the other person loves you in order to be truly happy. But If that doesn't happen, you fall apart. Like pieces of a puzzle, You cannot seem to bring yourself back together unless the loved one takes the time to find every matching piece. It's so frustrating, how painful it is. And how many times it's happened. To so many different people.

Song

wrote this a while ago and am quite happy of how it turned out. However Cain was right, It should be sung by a guy. I'm not happy with how it sounds on my voice (positively dreadful)


And I walk by… and the same face greets me.
Every time.
Every time. I'm sick of wishing, I hadn't left.
Sick of wishing, I hadn't broken our promise.


I feel like I've fallen off the earth
And now I'm crawling to rebirth
Empty as nothing with no one to hold,
Is someone who's wishing life wasn't
So damn cold.

And I see you again, same old you.
Same old me. But you and me isn't you and me,
Like we used to be. Its just a boy. Just a girl
Just a wish. Just a world.

I feel like I've fallen off the earth,
and now I'm crawling to rebirth.
Empty as Nothing with no one to hold,
Is turning a blind eye, to everything that's real.
Someone who's wishing, I could just feel.

You are the you are the morning, We were the day,
I was the nighttime, that threw it away. That ended
Us quickly, tore it apart. Feeling this empty hole,
That used to be a heart.

I feel like I've fallen, off the earth,
And now I'm crawling to my rebirth.
Empty as nothing, with no one to hold.

Dark like forever, eternity of this.
Blinding my ears, learning to try. Tying my mouth.
And hoping to fly, letting go, feeling bliss.
Undergo, another twist. This is just nothing,
I am just this. So let forever be, forever of regret, nothing
To hide. Losing the sunshine, falling behind. I am regret,
And I am eternity. I am forever, and I am bliss. I am nothing,
But sunshine at night. I am nothing, without you holding me tight.

poem for vlad

Poem for Vlad

a shoulder to cry on,
a smile to share.
Someone to rely on,
who will always be there.

Shares my secrets,
never lets me feel down,
Never regrets, who she is inside.
Never lets my smile turn to a frown.

We are laughter and a smile for the camera.
Together were crazy, an unstoppable force.
we don't care what they think. thats life,
of course.

Knows me through and through,
And never lets me see the rain
Helps in all I do,
shes my best friend, through all the joy and pain.

Art

I am re-writing this, because right now it kind of feels like brain overload. But, heres my first draft.


So many emotions, creeping in. Picking and choosing which to feel. Heat mixing with exhaustion and excitement. walking down aisle after aisle of artwork, (Ok, so maybe the baby head on the busty goth lady's body and the melted dear face is not really art, but the rest was stunning.) I love the smell of it, most of all. Like weekends, and fun. Like summer. Most of the time however, I watched the people. It's so interesting, what is going through all their heads. Mothers with newborn babies, how beautiful it is just to see the love on their faces. How they look upon their children, not seeing all the art around them because the most beautiful artwork is in their own arms.
Later, we entered a toy store named "Kazoo" It was brilliant. The entire top story was stuffed animals, and downstairs was filled with hundreds of toys. walking around, I longed to turn back to childhood and run around through the toy store. It made me so happy, In a weird way. I don't know. Toys just always make me happy. I think thats because most children I see are happy, Happy with life and how new it all is. Happy to experience it all with new eyes, not yet tainted with the horrors of the world. I love that. I wish That was how we all felt, all the time. So full of life and energy.
When we left the store, It was raining. Just lightly, nothing bad. the kind of rain that appears here and taunts us day after day but never really rains. People ran trying to take cover from it, covering artwork in a mad rush. Inside we all went as well, in a small dark restaurant to cool off from the summer heat but stay dry. After eating, we returned to the art fair. Overheated, I began feeling very lightheaded and was near fainting. literally, no exaggeration. All the sights and sounds were too much for me, And I began to get that feeling you have while dreaming. Not really a part of it, sort of unreal and detached. I walked along, Being dragged by the continuous need to see more, more. Most of it passed in a blur, where I wasn't there at all. Maybe my mind was asleep but my body stayed awake. just so I could see all the beautiful things, and still have memory for it? who knows. But after I got some food In my system, I felt ok.
Then I found myself in my car, Going home. After such a long day, it passed so quick. Obviously I am home now and writing this from my computer room, but I still feel like I'm there.

Stuck in a room

stuck in a room where no light shines
all i see is darkness, faint ghostly outlines.
I see you sometimes, maybe just your eyes.
But mostly Its just the sound of cold, cruel lies.
I feel no warmth around me,
No words of comfort in this place.
just an outline of what once was your face.
True, the world changes in many degrees.
like the endless, Vast seas.
But how could you be so right, and so wrong so fast?
all that is gone, long since past.
Still I'm hear, in this darkened room. Trapped, unfeeling...
Unreal.
numb.
trapped.
So many memories to forget, But remembering seems so easy.
Green as grass, so grey are my skies.
So easy now, remembering your lies?
So go away and leave me here. forevermore alone.
Its much bleaker here, remembering your face.
so I close my eyes, and forget.
Yes, forget.
Silence.
Dawn.


this was purely something that popped in my head. When something comes to me, It goes down on paper. I know its a little different, but hey I'm not gonna argue with calliope.

Roller Coasters

Wrote this Last October.

Its funny how you are waiting for something for a month or more, halloween, birthdays, christmas. And then when its over, such a short day, you think, wow. its finally happened. its over. and then you have to wait an entire year for it to come again. so what makes it so exiting? (at least for me) is it the anticipation itself we crave? is it not really about the holiday, but the days spent looking forward to it and planning? or am i just a freak who likes dressing up and getting free candy from strangers, when theres actually probably a high chance of getting food poisoning or anthrax? i dont know. Its the same feeling of a roller coaster. waiting in the line for 30 minutes, just thinking about how fun its going to be when you actually get on it, and then when your the very nearest to the front, thinking, its here! its finally here, than, in one split second, you are boarded on and you finally get to go on the 2 minute ride you waited a half an hour for. did you actually ride it for the roller coaster? or did you just ride it to say you did, or did you just subconsciously like the line? (and of coarse, theres always the option of ive eaten to much candy and am probably blabbing about god knows what) its the same thing with all the musicals and plays im in. you spend hour after hour, cramming the same song down your throat untill you think your head is going to burst if you ever here it again, than bam. after a few times of performing it, its gone. over. never again, will you sing it with the force of the entire cast, it will always be you, and those few of your friends, remembering when you were all doing this together. . that when you think 'geez. i miss this. all of us, when we didn't have to be broken up by our stupid disagreements, when we could all be friends and not matter what click to get into' Ok, now I'm on a completely different subject, but bare with me.
Seriously. why does the passage of time have to make us better or worse friends? why is it that, a month, a week, a year, and a friendship is gone as if it never existed? why cant people laugh as if no time had passed. why cant time make friendship stronger, not weaker. sometimes it does. but remember, when you first meat someone, and your trying to be as nice as possible, so you don't lose them before you become to close to ever lose, but then, when there one of your best friends, you feel it dosnt matter what you say or act around them, how what ever you do, you cant lose them, because there to close to lose, well, you can. in a blink of an eye, a friendship can be gone, withered and broken. well, im getting very ranty here, so i will say goodbye.

My wonderland

When I moved to Colorado, nearly two years ago now, I discovered something amazing: The closest to heaven It is humanly possible to be. Waking up to the site of mountains is probably the most stunning thing In all the world. When the clouds aren't in the sky, but rather in your back yard. when talking to the wind seems a
regular habit, Because it is such an alive force here.
Fall is captivating, With aspen turning golden and maples showing off their red coats. Halloweens running through the pumpkin patch, where the dryness of an almost desert land brings out every little smell. From the apple butter and cider being sold, to the pines who never loose their leaves.
snow comes and goes, nearly all year. And though I will often complain about the cold and wet, the first snow Is an amazing thing. Like winter faeries coming to the earth, they whirl around in snow flake dresses bringing with them the mad buzz of hot chocolate, peppermint bark, And christmas carols coming from every car radio in the town.
But in all four seasons, none are as beautiful as spring. When snow only comes in fazes, And the smell of flowers is everywhere. Birds chirp, awakening from a cold winter. fresh water is finally running, and you can practically taste the pollen. Everything is awakening, and this is where I've decided My home is the closest to heaven: after being faced with the dead of winter, It is reborn into spring. Reborn into a new world, light and beautiful.